


Sirocco

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24130642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: Erin finds herself too emotionally close to Agent Jareau during their time in Afghanistan, feeling like they're two sides of the same coin. But as the winds of change blow through their lives, will she be able to find comfort in her actions?
Kudos: 2





	Sirocco

"She's what? Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

Erin stared Cruz down, trying to get him to crack and let her know what exactly he had been thinking about when he had kept Agent Jareau's pregnancy from her. She still outranked him, and would have sent the woman home, no matter how badly they might need her in this operation. From the way the man flushed and avoided her gaze, he knew that she would have done exactly that and also that he knew he had been in the wrong. "You know how headstrong Agent Jareau is, you worked with her for five years before this assignment. Tell me, Erin, do you really think she would have listened to me if I told her to stand down? Though I am surprised that you allowed her to head out on that convoy today."

The blood drained from her face as she continued to stare at him. In the blink of an eye, her hand reached out and grabbed hold of his coat, balling it up tightly as she stepped right into his personal space, glaring up into his face. "She is where?" Erin hissed, feeling the blood in her veins turn to ice as she realized just how much danger Agent Jareau was in.

"She went out in the convoy today. I assumed that you knew, since you would have been the one to sign off on it."

"I did no such thing."

This time, he was the one to lose his color, and he gently covered her hand with his, carefully prying her fingers out of the fabric of his coat. "Then she went above your head for this one. I knew that she had a strong sense of justice, but this is extreme, even for her. I think that I can catch up with them, they only left five minutes ago."

"Bring her back unharmed."

Cruz nodded before turning on his heel and running from the building. Once he was gone, Erin went over to the table where everything was set up, sinking down into a chair as she buried her face in her hands. In that moment, she wished that she could reach out to someone about this. Erin knew that Penelope Garcia would be able to rein Agent Jareau in, since they were such close friends, but that would compromise the entire operation and most likely get both of them fired as a result. Instead, she could just stare at the laptop in front of her blankly and hope and pray that everything went to plan.

She didn't know how long she had been seated there, just that she came back to awareness with a start as she heard commotion and activity in the camp. Getting up from the table, Erin hurried over to the door and peeked her head outside, not knowing what she might find there. She certainly was not expecting to see a group of Humvees roar back into the encampment, heading straight for the medical tent. Zipping up her puffer vest, she strode over there, only to see Agent Jareau being carried inside on a backboard, clearly unconscious.

Cruz shot her a concerned look, and she went over to his side, feeling her heart leap up into her throat at the knowledge that one of her agents was hurt so badly. "I told you to protect her!"

"There were complications, and the insurgents were on us before we could react. Her Humvee took the brunt of the attack, and she actually tried to take down the men who captured Hastings. She was heroic, and you would have been so proud of her."

"The baby?"

Cruz looked away from her, and that was when she knew her answer. "She miscarried on the way back here. There was nothing they could do to stop it. If we had been in the States, there may have been a chance, but not out here."

Erin nodded as she followed him inside the tent. "We won't be able to see her until they finish making certain she pulls through this. If need be, I'll…"

"No. I will call Will, if it comes to that." He nodded. "And we should probably get something to eat while we wait for news." She wasn't hungry, but she knew that they had to eat, that they had to keep a sense of normalcy while waiting for bad news, otherwise it would overwhelm them. And she bitterly regretted that this was a dry camp, as she was desperately craving a good glass of gin.

"Yes, Erin." She gave him a tight nod as he placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her through the medical tent and into the mess hall. There were a number of other people already there, and she tried to calm her rapidly pounding heart as they got in line. Thankfully, it moved just fast enough so that she was able to get control over her emotions by the time they were taking a seat at the end of the table closest to the door. "If I had even had an inkling of what was going to happen, I would have protested her joining the convoy, no matter whose permission she had."

"And yet, I somehow have the feeling that she would have defied you, since she didn't think twice about going behind my back to find a way on it. And as a result, she lost the baby she was carrying. It would look better if you were the one to tell her that news, I doubt that she would find comfort in my face, even though…" She broke off her words, realizing that she was perilously close to revealing some deeply personal information about herself to a man that she hardly knew in a professional capacity, let alone a personal one.

Still, his hand reached across the table to cover hers, squeezing softly as he silently commiserated with her misery. "I think that you're right. She still harbors a little hostility towards you for tricking her into accepting this posting. She doesn't understand yet that there are some circumstances you can't get out of, but one day she will." Erin nodded a little as she shook his hand away, watching as he continued to eat. "When do you go back to Quantico?"

"My helo leaves tomorrow morning, and I should be home in forty-eight hours, if I'm lucky. I miss my children, and I can only imagine that Jennifer is feeling the same, even though her son is much younger than my three. Do you have children?"

Cruz shook his head. "I never found anyone that I wanted to start a family with, so I'm a bit jealous of you and JJ. You both have it all – this job, a family, and haven't seemed to crack."

A part of her longed to disabuse him of that notion, to let him know that there were some very large cracks starting to appear in the foundation of her life, but again, she didn't want to reveal such a tender part of her heart to anyone who had the potential to use that information against her in the future. It was one of the reasons that she had felt so panicked when Aaron had tried to profile her after that nasty case at that college. "It's a very delicate balancing act, made all the more difficult because of our gender," she finally replied, feeling like this was the most diplomatic answer that she could give in that moment. Cruz nodded and they finished their meal in silence. "I'm going to go sit with her for a while. Even if she's not awake, she shouldn't be left alone."

Cruz nodded as he pulled her plate over to his side, stacking everything together, clearly planning on taking care of it. "I'll spell you in a little while, you'll want to pack and get good sleep for your travel tomorrow."

Erin gave him a grateful smile as she rose to her feet, stuffing her hands in her pockets as she nodded. Then, without saying another word, she turned on her heel and made her way over to the medical tent. By the time she found where Jennifer was, she felt the anxiety start to creep back into her movements, and she began to crave a good, stiff, drink. There would be none of that here, though, no liquid courage to mask her failings, and she drew in a long, shaky, breath as she sank down into the chair next to Jennifer's bedside and picked up her hand, taking care not to dislodge the iv that was inserted. The young woman looked so young and pale, lying there so still, and she had to fight to again lock down her emotions, unwilling to break down and cry in front of all these people who expected her to be tough. There would be time enough to do that on her flight home.

"You need to wake up, Jennifer, and show the world just how tough you are," she whispered as she tapped her thumb against the back of Jennifer's hand. The time passed slowly, and she found her hold on her emotions slipping more and more as the minutes ticked by. Just when she thought that she wouldn't be able to hold on, she felt Jennifer's hand spasm against hers. Instinctively, her hand tightened around the younger woman's, and then she dropped it onto the bed as she hastily got to her feet, knowing that she was about to wake up. When she turned around to flee, she ran into Cruz's chest, and he steadied her with a calm hand.

"I think she's about to wake up, and…"

"I understand, Erin." From the way his hand tightened around her upper arm, she knew that he was being sincere, and she gave him a sharp nod before heading towards the doorway. Just before she left, she heard Jennifer in the background, vaguely making out her name, and Cruz's murmured negative reply, before the woman burst into sobs moments later. It was all she could do to continue taking measured, even, steps over to where she was bunking with the other women. It didn't take long to get her small bag packed up for the journey home the next day, and then she was stretching out on her cot and staring up at the fabric ceiling, watching it billow with the wind.

Knowing that she shouldn't fall asleep just yet, Erin finally sat up and leaned against the back of the bed as she pulled out her tablet and began to read one of the books she had loaded onto it before heading over. It took much too long to lose herself in the story, but once she was finally pulled in, Erin found it easier to shove Jennifer's distress and sorrow to the back of her brain, to box it up alongside the trauma she had caused her best friend when she had demoted her all those years ago. Her doctorate in psychology told her that such actions were dangerous and doomed, that it was leading to her spiraling issues with alcohol, but Erin neatly shoved that voice back into her gilded cage before turning her focus back onto her book.

~~*~~*~~

Her return to Quantico had been uneventful, but it was what had come next that created fireworks in her heart. She knew that she had to get Jennifer back, sooner rather than later, and that the one person who could possibly make that happen would be David. They had never really gotten on since his return to the BAU, but she was hoping beyond hope that he would listen to her long enough to see her point. Glancing at her watch, she saw that she had about ten minutes before he would arrive, so she went over to the drawer that contained her stash of alcohol, pouring herself a large measure of gin before taking a seat behind her computer once more, replying to the emails that had backed up due to her absence.

A familiar knocking came on her office door, and Erin hurriedly set her now empty glass behind her monitor before clearing her throat. "Enter!"

The door slowly opened, and David sauntered inside, a little smirk on his lips as he kicked the door closed with his heel. "You summoned me, Erin?"

The ire that dripped from those four words shook her to the core and she straightened her back as she stared down her nose at him, trying to look every inch the Ice Queen that she was called behind her back. "I did. I have a special mission that only you can complete for me. Agent Jareau needs to be back in the BAU, posthaste, and while I have the political connections, my hands are tied in this manner. You, being much more charismatic than myself, should be able to see that that takes place. And if you have to, use the full weight of my name to impress upon them the urgency of this request."

He narrowed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, assessing her carefully. "And just why do you want her back here? You were the one who gave her up to the State Department in the first place."

Erin felt her nostrils flare a little as she tried to keep her emotions in check, knowing that if she went off on him, the likelihood of his helping would decrease exponentially. "I did not give her up without a fight, David. But that decision was, at the time, above my paygrade. Things have changed, and I know that you will be able to use your full weight as an agent and a world-renowned author, to ensure that she becomes a part of Alpha team once more. You clearly need her."

"There's more to this than what you're saying, Erin, and I will get to the bottom of it."

"Trust me, just this once, there is nothing more to this situation than the fact that your team is falling apart, and you need to have a familiar face back amongst your fold."

His face was still disbelieving, and she took a deep breath as she shook her head a little. "Can you really blame me for not trusting you, Erin? After everything that's gone down between you and my team?"

She felt her mask begin to slip a tiny bit, and hastily looked away from him, knowing that she was close to bursting into tears of frustration. "I am just asking for one thing, David. And it is a thing that you want. Why are you being so recalcitrant?" Tugging off her reading glasses, Erin dropped them onto her desk before pinching the bridge of her nose in an effort to stave off those tears.

There was a long pause, and in those moments, she began to plan out how she would take her case up the chain of command on her own until Jennifer was back safely with her work family. And then David was softly clearing his throat, catching her attention. "Erin, what's really going on with you? I've never seen you this close to cracking."

"I just need to know that I have a team I can depend upon, should things get rough from here on out. I know that your disdain for me and my methods runs deep, runs back to the fallout of the Amerithrax case and what I did to save my job, and I deserve that. Please, just don't fight me on this and make it so that Jennifer returns here. Please."

They stared at each other for another few minutes, and then he gave her a small nod, allowing her to finally relax her guard. "I'm going to keep asking after you, though, Erin. I can tell that you have a demon on your trail, and you're going to need a safe shelter."

"Don't profile me, David. We both promised that we would never do that to each other."

"We did. Do you still keep the good booze in that drawer behind your desk?"

She arched an eyebrow at him as she nodded, watching him get up and open it, pulling out her bottle of Glenmorangie whiskey and poured them each a healthy dram. "You always go for the best," she muttered as she took the glass from his hand and sipped at the drink.

"I have fine tastes, Erin. And you happen to share in them, since you keep that bottle there along with the others. You have to be careful, we're not supposed to have a bolthole like that in our offices."

"What do you keep in yours?" she asked as he took a seat across from her once more, holding out his glass. Erin clinked hers against his, watching his smile a little as he settled in and sipped at the whiskey. "Well?"

"Cognac or vodka. I need something for different moods. Besides, I know I can come here for this, if I really want to live the good life."

Erin let out a snort of displeasure, shaking her head a little as she sipped at the alcohol, feeling it burn all the way down to her stomach. There really was nothing like that feeling, she decided as she continued to watch his face carefully. "It will be a cold day in hell before you just waltz in here and break into my drawers."

A lecherous grin flickered across his face, and she groaned a little as she realized the opening that she had given him. "Oh, I have waited a decade to hear you say something like that to me, Erin. And your desk appears both large and strong enough to take a good workout. Care to give a test run?"

Rolling her eyes, Erin took another sip of whiskey before responding. "That is one fantasy that you can never turn into reality, David. Even though I am currently separated from my husband, I am not looking for an office place assignation."

"Pity, I think that we could have fun together. But if there ever comes a time when you get down from your high horse and want to take a ride on a wild stallion, you know exactly where to find me." He quickly knocked back the rest of his whiskey before setting the empty glass on her desk. As their eyes met, Erin could see that, even though he was teasing her, he was also concerned about her, and she shook her head a little as she set aside her glass and gave him a brittle smile. "Off the record, Erin, you have to know that it is all right to reach out for help, to talk to someone about whatever cancer is eating at your soul. I could never find that place in myself, and I know that it's affected me. Don't make my mistake."

"I will keep that in mind, David," she responded as evenly as she could. From the way that his smile softened for just a fraction of a second, she knew that he had heard her lie, and wasn't going to judge her for it. "So, you will do your best to ensure that Jennifer returns to the BAU full time?"

"Yes, Erin, if it means that much to you." As he rose to his feet, Erin thought for a moment that he would come around to her side and touch her, hug her, make contact, and she shook her head almost imperceptibly, knowing that if he did that, she would lose the fragile grip that she had on her emotional control. "I will let you know as soon as possible if and when I hear anything."

"That's all I ask." Erin dismissed him with a small wave of her hand. He nodded before turning and exiting her office, closing her door with a firm click. As soon as he was gone, she picked up her glass and drained the rest of her whiskey before burying her fingers in her hair and letting out a deep sigh. The first tears of the evening began to drop from her eyes and she did little to swipe them away, knowing that she'd be in the office for a while, since the alcohol needed time to work out of her system before she could even begin to think about driving home.

~~*~~*~~

Despite her best efforts, Erin had found herself drinking more and more as the weeks between getting Jennifer back on the team and the present day grew. She had almost thought that she would be caught out that morning at the Capitol building, when they were all testifying before the Senate, but it seemed like the jubilation that Alpha team had felt over getting Emily back from the dead and on their team had outweighed any concern that they might have over her behaviour. And then she was accompanying the team down to Florida, and her issue had reared its ugly head in the worst possible way.

And now, she was curled up in the corner of Agent Morgan's truck, still crying piteously as he brought her to the IAB's choice of an appropriate rehabilitation facility. It was cold, industrial, and she had a gut feeling that she would find no sanctuary, no safe place, there in those walls. "I don't know if Hotch will reach out to your family, but you're going to need more than just the clothes on your back for as long as you're here. Is there anyone that you'd like me to contact?"

Turning her head, she looked at him, still feeling such shame and regret that he was seeing her like this. After everything that she had said and done, after all the jibes and insults she had had hurled at her, Agent Morgan was still looking at her with real concern, none of the pity she had been expecting to see there in his gaze. "Why would you want to help me?" she muttered, pulling away from his outstretched hand as she tried to keep from losing herself to deeper sobs.

"Reid, well, we all knew that he had a problem. That's why I reacted so badly when I smelled the alcohol on your breath, Ma'am. Because I could see that you were spiraling into the same problem that he had, and we all waited for Gideon to take charge, to say something. He was our leader, and he was standing back and allowing the kid to dive head first into the abyss. How could I let that happen to you?" This time, when he reached out, Erin didn't pull away, and the weight of his hand on her shoulder was a balm to her shattered heart. "I never wanted you to experience that abyss. I was pissed that you were endangering our case. And my heart was breaking for the scared woman I caught a glimpse of beneath the mask you wear like second skin."

"Oh," she breathed out before biting her lip. "Helen, my assistant, will have the number of my ex-husband. He'll hate you for contacting him, and I know that this will jeopardize my chances of ever getting even partial custody of my children. But he's the only one who might…" Erin broke off her words, her eyes closing slowly as she felt her control start to slip once more. "No, never mind, he'll find out soon enough that I'm here. Ask Helen to pack a bag for me, and inform her of where I am. She'll worry when she doesn't see me in the office tomorrow morning."

"I will do that for you, Ma'am." His hand tightened around her shoulder, and Erin nodded sharply as she took a few deep breaths to try and clear her lungs of the sobs that still threatened to tear out of them at a moment's notice. "When you're ready, we'll head inside. They're already expecting us, so it's just on you."

"And if I don't want to head inside?"

"Well, I would hate to have to throw you over my shoulder and carry you inside like a marauding pirate, but if I have to, I will." Erin knew that he was teasing her, trying to get her to feel a little better about her situation, and she gave him a grateful smile before nodding. "I will not leave your side until you've been checked in. I know that's what Reid would have wanted, if I had been the one to bring him to a place like this. No one should face this alone."

"Thank you, Agent…Derek. Thank you, Derek." He nodded and gave her a soft smile. "I think that I am ready to head inside now." She pulled away from his touch, finding herself bereft of the warmth of his hand on her shoulder. Almost before she had managed to get out of the truck, he was at her side, taking hold of her hand and placing it into the crook of his elbow as he guided her to the front door. The next few minutes passed in a blur as she fought to pay attention to what was being said to her. Derek seemed to be better at keeping track of things, and for that she was grateful.

"All right, your friend cannot accompany you any further this evening, Erin. Visiting hours ended a while ago. Feel free to visit Erin in a few days, as she will need some time to grow accustomed to this change in her routine."

Erin turned to look at Derek, a tremulous smile on her lips as she struggled to keep from crying once more that evening. "I promise that I will get in contact with Helen as soon as I get into the office tomorrow, Ma'am. And she'll bring your bag here as soon as she can. Please, just get better. I don't want to lose another person to addiction, Reid was too close to that edge."

She gave him a small nod, only to gasp a little when he pulled her into a warm embrace. "I am so embarrassed and disappointed in myself."

"But you're going to get better."

"Yes." He gave her another soft squeeze before stepping away from her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled tenderly, and she nodded before turning to face the woman who had checked her in, not wanting to watch the one kind face she had in the world at that moment leave.

"All right, let's get you up to your room. It's rather late, so there's not going to be any introductions this evening." Karen gave her a warm smile as she placed her hand on Erin's upper arm and began to lead her down a long corridor. "The only room available is on the ground floor, I hope you don't mind that. At least you'll have a pretty view of the garden, and direct access to it, when you want some fresh air."

"You have the same name as my eldest daughter," she whispered, not really registering what the woman was saying to her. "Will they be able to visit me here?"

"Of course, we don't want to keep our patients away from their family and friends as they recover. There are rather strict policies about visitation, of course, but it's nothing you won't get used to with time. After all, you have ninety days here to get things under control."

Absently, Erin nodded as she followed the woman into a rather spacious private room. "Now, I heard your friend say something about you receiving a bag tomorrow? I'm assuming that will be your personal effects." She nodded once more. "Good, it's nice when you can have touches of home here. Now, since you don't have any nightclothes, I'll return shortly with something that will work for this evening."

"Thank you," she whispered before drifting over to the bed and taking a seat. "And if you have a charger that I could borrow for my phone?"

"About that. I'm going to have to ask that you hand it over. The first week that you're here, we don't allow people to have access to their phones. We find that in order to truly get in the right frame of mind to start the program. If you need to contact anyone, you can use the community phone during visiting hours." Erin drew in a sharp breath as she pulled the device out of her pocket and powered it off, knowing that it would be difficult to go that long without access to the outside world. This would be the longest she had been without being able to contact her children, her friends, or anyone, really.

"And if there's an emergency?"

"Agent Hotchner has said that he will contact us during this first week that you're here, if anything needs your attention. But once you've made it past then, you'll have your phone back, even if we ask that you keep it turned off during sessions and while you're completing your chores. Now, you look exhausted, and the only cure for that is rest. I'll be back in ten minutes with something for you to wear."

She nodded absently as Karen left the room, leaving the door open. Taking a deep breath, she fell back on the mattress and stared up at the ceiling, wondering at just how quickly her life had gone off the rails. It was all her own fault, she should have been stronger than her addiction, but there was a certain liberty in it being out in the open. She could finally be free and out from under this monkey on her back. She just had to have faith in the process. Even though she felt like her heart was going to break into million little pieces.

"All right, it's not much, but it's clean and should fit for tonight. Breakfast is at eight, sharp, and then you'll meet your personal therapist before being introduced to your small group. Sleep well, Erin."

"I'll try," she murmured as she accepted the nightgown from the woman's hands. It was nothing that she would have chosen for herself, but it would have to do. Getting off the bed, she went into the bathroom and hurriedly changed, hanging her clothes up on the hangers she found in the small closet before padding over to the bed and curling up into a tight ball before pulling the covers up around her neck and closing her eyes. Tears were the first thing to come, and she sobbed herself to sleep that night, certain that everything she had ever worked for in her life was now at an end.

~~*~~*~~

Erin was surprised to hear, three weeks later, that she had a visitor waiting for her in the family room. Even though Derek had sent fresh flowers to her every week without fail, he hadn't ever come to visit, and even though that made sense, it still hurt. And her ex-husband had made certain that her children were unable to visit, which just further isolated her. Despite the progress her therapist seemed to feel that she was making, Erin felt like she was adrift in a sea of isolation, and it was entirely her own doing that had unmoored her.

Squaring her shoulders, Erin grabbed her water bottle and made her way down to the family room. There was only one other person there at the moment was one of the younger men whose name she had never quite caught, since they were in different small groups. "Erin."

Turning her head towards the sound of her name, she blanched when she saw Jennifer seated on the small sofa that was in front of the fireplace. Nearly dropping her bottle, Erin fumbled to keep it in her hands as she strode over to the younger woman's side and slowly sat down next to her. "You are the last person that I expected to see here," she said quietly, staring at the bottle in an effort to keep from reacting strongly.

"I bugged Morgan until he told me what happened. Or, more likely, a highly sanitized version of what happened. You were by my side in Afghanistan when I lost the baby."

Erin turned her head then to look at Jennifer, ready to deny the truth that had been spoken. From the raw, open, look on the younger woman's face, she knew that would be the wrong response, and so she slowly nodded. "How did you know? I left before you woke up."

"Your perfume gave you away. Even in the desert, you always smelled like Chanel No. 5, and the way it mixed with your body chemistry helped me to associate the scent with you. Don't worry, Matt denied it when I asked him, and then he told me about the miscarriage. We had been trying for so long to have another baby, and then I went and fucked it all up because of my anger and pride."

"Those two emotions will hamstring you every time, Jennifer. It might not be right away, but…"

Her voice trailed off as she thought about what had landed her in rehab, and then Jennifer was taking hold of her hand, clasping it firmly as she took a deep breath. "Eventually, the demons will catch up to me?"

"Yes."

"Will's asked me to marry him."

Erin frowned a little, wondering why the woman had told her that. "And what did you tell him?"

"That I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be. Not when my mind is preoccupied with the notion that my boss's boss was so determined to get me back to safety that she tasked the one person that she could never truly like to demand that I be returned to the BAU. It seems that everything I thought I knew about everything has been turned up on its head, and I just want things to go back to the way they were."

"You cannot step into the same river twice, Jennifer," she whispered, fighting the urge to pull her hand away from Jennifer's, feeling like her touch was starting to burn her skin. "As much as you try to go back, the more you fight for that, the more you lose. The only way to hold on to yourself is to keep moving forward, no matter how hard it hurts. And if you need an example of why you should do so, think of me and all the mistakes I made because I wanted to go back and fix the mistakes that I made throughout my career. I should never have let them second you. Then you would be close to delivering the baby you lost. Don't blame yourself, blame me, I'm the reason you lost that baby."

Jennifer's grip tightened around her hand as she shook her head. "You forbade me from going with the convoy, even though you didn't know about the pregnancy. I should have told you before I told Matt, since you were my direct supervisor out there. We've both fucked up our lives, so don't try to take on more than your appropriate portion of guilty."

Erin let out a watery chuckle as she shrugged, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. "That is easier said than done," she finally replied before letting out a deep sigh. "Jennifer, why did you come? Why would you needle Derek until he told you my location? I know that it's not because you want to ridicule me. I would never have seen you here, if that were true. But here you are, holding my hand like it's a lifeline to you, when all I feel like is a millstone around your neck."

"I want to know why you care." Erin felt her brow draw together in confusion as she stared into Jennifer's eyes. "There has to be a reason that you were watching out for me."

Erin closed her eyes as she took a few breaths, needing to put space between the questioning statement and her answer. "I see myself in you," she finally replied, opening her eyes once more to gauge Jennifer's reaction. "You're a young mother, struggling to find her place in what is still a good old boy's club, doing her best to fit in and make a name for herself. And I don't want you to fall into the same trap that I did. And I know that you'll never truly believe these words, because they're coming from me, an old, washed up, bitter, Ice Queen who has only tried to destroy your team in your eyes. But they are true. We're not supposed to lie here in rehab, because when we lie, we hinder our recovery."

"I do believe you, Erin. Because the person who sat with me while I was unconscious and took pains to try and cover up that tender concern and then fought tooth and nail to ensure that I was back with my work family is not a person who would lie to me." Before Erin could reply, the younger woman was leaning in, her breath fanning across the skin of Erin's cheek like a warm, damp, wind, and for a moment, she was almost certain that Jennifer was going to kiss her. "But you have to do something for me while you're in here. Learn to live for yourself. Let go of the past. Because if you can do that, I can as well. If there is hope for you, there will be hope for me. And I desperately want to believe that there will be hope for me, Erin."

And then she was kissing her, not her lips, not out of passion, but a tender kiss to her cheek that reminded her of her beloved children. A strangled sob escaped her lips as she gave a jerky nod, and then Jennifer was wrapping her up in a tight hug as they cried together, and for the first time in too long, Erin felt like the winds of change sweeping through her life were not bringing destruction, but rebirth. 


End file.
